It has been a while since I have written a post. I am not sure why I decided to do so now. My life is anything but accomodating. Nonetheless, I write to bare my soul.
Souls need baring. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes, or for me, often, things build up in the soul and it can't take on any more. In my life, my oldest son Rusty (7) is the focus of all my worry, fear, struggle, and helplessness. That might sound drastic to you, but I am telling you what I feel. He is only seven and doesn't like himself, thinks he is not good at anything, cries almost constantly, argues as a second language, and has a level of anger that is not easily rivaled. However, he is also a kindhearted nurturer, a lover of justice, crazy intelligent, and full of life. I am broken down daily at the amount of negativity he has toward life and himself though. It wears me out. It is also something I am seeing his younger brother Riley (2) begin to model. I have exhausted every effort available to me. I constantly try to remind myself of how his emotional problems are nothing compared to mothers of children with severe physical ones, but the truth of the matter is... no problem is easy when it is one of your children who suffer. And he suffers. My heart breaks and I get so dumbfounded. I would do anything. I am doing everything. I seem to be helping him none.
So, until I post again, thanks for taking time to let me vent. I needed it.