Thursday, February 10, 2011


It has been a while since I have written a post.  I am not sure why I decided to do so now.  My life is anything but accomodating.  Nonetheless, I write to bare my soul. 
Souls need baring.  Do you know what I mean?  Sometimes, or for me, often, things build up in the soul and it can't take on any more.  In my life, my oldest son Rusty (7) is the focus of all my worry, fear, struggle, and helplessness.  That might sound drastic to you, but I am telling you what I feel.  He is only seven and doesn't like himself, thinks he is not good at anything, cries almost constantly, argues as a second language, and has a level of anger that is not easily rivaled.  However, he is also a kindhearted nurturer, a lover of justice, crazy intelligent, and full of life.  I am broken down daily at the amount of negativity he has toward life and himself though.  It wears me out.  It is also something I am seeing his younger brother Riley (2) begin to model.  I have exhausted every effort available to me.  I constantly try to remind myself of how his emotional problems are nothing compared to mothers of children with severe physical ones, but the truth of the matter is... no problem is easy when it is one of your children who suffer.  And he suffers.  My heart breaks and I get so dumbfounded.  I would do anything.  I am doing everything.  I seem to be helping him none. 
So, until I post again, thanks for taking time to let me vent.  I needed it.


  1. I'm really glad you started this blog because it will give yourself space and give others an open door to support you. Rusty is in God's hands and I know you know that...and I know it's no easier when you're His mommy and he's your baby. I'm praying for God to bring about insight and skill and His plan in this situation for His precious Rusty and for my whole Alderman family. love you.

  2. you are not alone....Briar is all drama and arguing. I have also noticed self esteem issues and the desire to be cool has started. She made a comment a few days ago about wearing something because the "cool" girls do....I was like "OH NO, this is NOT happening yet." ugh.....I think feeling like a failure as a mother goes with the job so we have to hold strong to those moments of success. It is hard to really let them be themselves while trying to mold and shape them into a good person...I have not found the answers yet....but are not alone

  3. Thanks guys for reading and posting.
    Summer, I sure wish someone had prepared me for the whole "feel like a failure" part of parenthood. I had no idea! Thanks for the understanding. I think if Briar is so concerned with being cool, you should let Rob and Dusty go to her school one day and do a funny dance. that will TOTALLY help! :)